


Tremble

by orphan_account



Category: Samurai Love Ballad: PARTY, 天下統一恋の乱 | Sakura Amidst Chaos | Samurai Love Ballad (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen, Gender-Neutral MC, Gender-neutral Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 21:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12897309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sometimes you think it could happen, you and him. Especially when he looks at you like that. He breathes your name, and nothing has ever sounded sweeter.





	Tremble

**Author's Note:**

> Because I was a little bit unsatisfied with how abruptly they fell in love, I wanted to build on their relationship further and flesh out their feelings and thoughts out a little bit more. Especially on Saizo’s end. This takes place a year after the Divine Ending (which should’ve been less romantic and more platonic imo) where they’ve had a little more time to get to know each other.

Saizo wears the night like a second skin. The night always held a special sort of quality that made him feel safe. He prefers it this way, with shadow clinging to his skin, he can hide away and meld into the dark with ease. It’s easy for him to slink into the castle grounds undetected.

He doesn’t know where his feet are taking him until he spots pinpricks of light in the distance. Fleeting, soft. They’re your little rain ghosts dangling from the roof of your room’s veranda. They catch moonlight as they sway softly in the breeze, kindly guiding him out of the shadows and onto a familiar path. Though he finds shelter in the shadows, something stirs in his heart at the soft glow emitting from your room.

Warm light seeps into the gardens with the shōji door open and he finds himself drawing closer and closer until he sees your figure, sitting on the veranda just a few ways away. Your gaze is transfixed on the cherry tree outside, but when you notice a silhouette hobbling towards you in your periphery, you stiffen. When he reveals himself in full by stepping into the lantern light, his heart breaks a little when he sees fear flash in your eyes.  _Of course._

Saizo feels it again, bubbling up inside him—the flecks of crimson, the red smeared all over his hands—but he swallows it down. He has half the mind to run away, but…  _he knows you._

“Saizo?” You call out, voice shaky. “You’re back?”

He doesn’t answer as he slinks himself closer. You don’t hesitate to stand up and greet him halfway, immediately snuffing out the darker thoughts inside of his head. The trembling of your gaze is one of worry with the way you’re clenching on the fabric of your kimono tightly.

“Evening, little lady.” He’s surprised at how easy it is to fix a smile on his face. A sense of calm settles deep inside as he marvels at your propensity to draw yourself to him. “Or should I say good morning?”

You don’t see his mirth however. Utterly consumed by the darkening stain on his bandaged arm, you forget pleasantries.

“Come here and take it off.” His eyes widen momentarily at your boldness, but he finds himself relaxing. He chuckles before following you into your room and then taking his seat at his usual spot.

“Someone’s rather demanding tonight.” He slips off his armoured shoulder pad with ease, but takes his time unwrapping his wound, preferring to watching you flit about your room as you gather medical supplies. When you have everything necessary, you promptly sit yourself next to him before lending him a hand, peeling off the cotton gently from his skin. You wince at the sight of it. It was a more serious wound than usual.

“This isn’t like you,” you say grimly while examining it for any infections before grabbing a washcloth from your supplies and soaking it in water. You weren’t used to treating such gruesome wounds, but ever since becoming closer friends with Saizo, you welcomed it.

“Accidents happen,” He says nonchalantly, a smile beginning on his lips as if recalling a funny joke.

“Right.” You try to joke along with him, rolling your eyes a little. Your hand shakes as you press the washcloth softly on torn skin. You’re so afraid, so careful. Saizo was not weak by any means, and though he refused to divulge about his job, you knew what being an assassin entailed. And that’s what unsettled you the most.

“You know,” you say quietly as you wring the washcloth and watch the water in the basin go murky. “You could try to be a bit more careful going home.” He might not be fragile, but this moment was. And it wasn’t fair.

“I could.” He shrugs with his other arm, anticipating the glare you would usually send his way. But instead, you refuse to meet his gaze as you bite your lip and furrow your eyebrows in concentration, body tense as you clean his wound. Your hand trembling suddenly makes a lot more sense.

“Hey.” He says, pulling your attention back to the present. He catches the glimmer of unshed tears in your gaze and something sharp pierces him. “You missed a spot.” 

A hand gently closes over yours. 

There isn’t any timidity in the way Saizo grasps your hand as he guides you to press his wound more firmly with a wry smile on his face.

“Relax.” He murmurs and your frantic heartbeat slows to a softer rhythm. “The mission was a success if I do say so myself.”

“I can tell,” you say with a small smile. It’s hard to focus when his hand just lingers over yours before finally falling away. But following his lead, you manage to wash off all the bits of dried blood with practiced ease. You put away the washcloth with a sigh before grabbing ointment and a roll of bandages.

“I just can’t help but be worried,” you mutter as you apply the salve on the torn skin gently before unrolling the cotton and wrapping it around his arm. Saizo hums with an air of understanding.

Silence fills the room once more as you focus on trying to hold the swathe of cotton against his skin together while simultaneously looking around you for the clip to fasten it. In your struggle, he manages to find it, his other hand handing the clip over to you. You give a small thanks as you lean closer towards him to secure the cotton on his arm.

With the wound properly dressed, you wait for him to pull away but he doesn’t. It’s hard to tell with him, but lately he’s been lingering a lot around you. Tilting your head up to meet his gaze, you end up brushing your nose against his.

He doesn’t miss the way you suck in a breath, or the way your pupils dilate, or the way your cheeks start going pink. But you don’t pull away and neither does he. Something fierce prickles in the air as you hold each other’s gazes. Too overwhelmed by your presence, Saizo is the first to falter and break away. He exhales slowly.

“This should do,” Inspecting his newly bandaged arm, he pries your grip away from him as softly as he can. A part of you wilts. But then you catch the way he gulps, and turns his gaze away from you. Your heart throbs hard.  

“It’s quite late now, isn’t it? I think the sun might be popping up soon.” Words spill out of his mouth as he tries to fill the silence. He wants to ignore the desire simmering inside him.  _No, not now._

“I’m gonna go get some rest now. Night.” You recoil at his words. And he winces himself at how hollow he sounds. But standing up, he takes another glance at you, his indifferent facial expression betraying nothing about his thoughts. Your heart breaks a little when he turns away from you without another word.  _No… it can’t end now._

“I don’t get a thanks?” you blurt, standing up.

He stops in the middle of the veranda. There’s a beat of silence and then he’s whirling back around, and it’s the same moment the wind takes its cue to raise petals and scatter them around you. Like his presence, the flurry of pink swallows you whole.

How was it possible to feel so much for a single person? You’ve always been beautiful, but right now, in this very moment, with petals descending around you… you’re positively blooming. He steels himself as he draws himself towards you.

“Well,” His crimson eyes gleam. Eager, sharp, as if he had been waiting for this very moment. Moonlight bends toward you, and he finds himself doing the same, the gap between you beginning to close until you’re only a breath’s width apart. “You should’ve just said so, little lady.”

There’s nothing more gentle than the way he brings his hand up to cup your cheek. And like a reed following the soft caress of the wind, you easily bend to him. For a moment, the world is still as you hold each other’s gazes.  _Fine_ , he tells himself.  _Just this once._

Sometimes you think it could happen, you and him. Especially when he looks at you like that. He breathes your name, and nothing has ever sounded sweeter.

“Thank you.”

Leaning forwards, he closes the distance between you. Familiar lips brush tenderly against yours and you close your eyes, melting into him. A sense of calm washes over you and you stay like this for a while with your lips shyly melding into his.

Eventually you part. He looks serene for once, with softness just peeking the surface from the depths of his gaze, and the smallest of smiles on his lips. Is it okay to want for more? It didn’t hurt to find out.

“Can’t you stay for a little longer?” You ask quietly. There’s a beat of silence as you grasp for words. He waits patiently for you to finish. “I want to spend more time with you.”

His eyes momentarily widen but they quickly return to their usual glassed look, trying to not give himself away. But he knows you noticed, with the way you’re biting your lip to stop yourself from smiling.

“Do you now.” He manages. There’s a hint of exasperation in his voice belied by the soft smile on his face. Saizo has always prided himself on his ability to keep his emotions under wraps, but the way you’re gazing at him—you were never that great at hiding yours—does nothing but pry out something inside him he never knew he had.

“Please?” With daylight inching closer, the deep black sky is tempered to a soft blue, gentle tones of peach and gold washing over the clouds. And when he turns to look at you glowing in the light of the barely risen sun, he’s entranced. Was the world always this soft? 

“Sure, whatever you want.” He surprises both you and himself when he plops himself on the the veranda, one leg dangling over the edge, and the other propped up where he rests his elbow casually. You stare at him, wide-eyed. Grinning, he brings up a hand to show you five fingers.

“That’s five.”

“Five…?”  Still in a a bit of a daze, you manage to follow his lead and take your seat next to him, arms brushing closely.

“Skewers of dango. I thought you knew the deal by now, little lady.”

“That’s not fair.” You bristle. “I just took care of your wounds.”

“Yeah, so?”

There’s a lull in the conversation as you look at him deadpan. It’s hard for him to keep a straight face when you look at him like that, and so he glances at the garden, masking himself with disinterest. You huff.

“Two skewers.”

“Four.” He shoots back.

“Three.” Your mutual refusal to back down prompts a sort of staring contest between you. A battle of wills, waiting for the other to snap first. Your eyes narrow at him. Seeing the unwavering resolve in your gaze, he sighs. His shoulders slump as he moves to stand up.

“Okay, okay!” You quickly grab his arm, a smile breaking on your face, laughter evident in your voice. “Four it is!”

He hums and pretends to consider your offer, relishing in the way you look up at him so hopefully. He ends up relenting of course. If he’s being honest, he didn’t need the dango. The way you light up when he settles himself beside you is a  reward sweet enough for him.

Saizo isn’t really one for conversation but somehow finds himself enjoying the back and forth banter with you. It’s easy to talk to you. He cherishes the way you hang on to his each and every word, and he, with yours.  _I should do this more often_ , he thinks as he watches another smile break on your face.

The wind picks up and lifts a flurry of petals in the air. As they gently rain around you, you remember something important.

“We should do some more cherry-blossom viewing later with everyone else,” you start nervously. Last spring, although he attended the picnic with the Uesegi clan with the rest of you, he told you that he hated cherry blossoms.

“That’s only if you want to,” you add in a rush. You didn’t want to push him. “Only if you don’t—”

“We should.”

“—mind.” Your heart stops. “Huh? Really?”

He doesn’t bother hiding the growing smile on his face when he catches the way you perk up. Too fixated at the petals fluttering in the air, you hadn’t noticed how closely he had drawn himself to you, leaning closer to pick off a stray petal on your shoulder.

“Yes,  _really_.” He mocks, making a poor imitation of your voice. You open your mouth to argue with him, but shortly forget when he takes your hand in his and pries it open, placing a single petal in your palm.

“You owe me recompense.” He adds, pausing as the wind lifts the petal back into the air to dance with the rest. “Surely, you could make me five skewers like our original bargain. Or more.”

“I could.” You say back boredly in an eerily familiar tone, accompanying it with a lazy shrug. He rolls his eyes and you laugh behind your hand. The wind picks up again, stronger this time, and your hair flies wildly in the gust. You bring up a hand to fix yourself but Saizo catches your wrist mid-air.

“Maybe I’ve been too lenient with you.” He mutters as he uses his other hand to smoothen your hair and gather flyaway strands to places behind your ear. His hand lingers though, tucks something in, lingering there some more before falling away.

“Maybe,” you breathe, as you bring up your other hand to your hair, your face morphing into something much sweeter when you feel the soft touch of a blossom at your fingertips. 

He doesn’t pull away when you lean closer towards him. He only bends himself closer to meet you halfway. And in the gentle light of the morning sun, the usual sharpness of his gaze has disappeared. Instead, all you can see is the soft tremble in his eyes as he looks at you.

Sometimes he thinks it could happen, you and him. There’s a smile beginning on your lips, shyly unfurling like a flower on a spring day. Every time you smile like that, he feels himself fall in deeper.

“I didn’t get to say it before but,” you say quietly against his lips as you fully grasp his hand with your own. You touch your forehead against his and close your eyes. “You’re welcome.”

He doesn’t close his eyes, quietly admiring the serene expression on your face as you press your forehead to his. Though his heart has slowed to a steady rhythm, he recognises the way your hand slightly trembles against his—a mirror of his own when he first started getting to know you. So when you squeeze his hand shyly, he clasps onto yours tighter.

You both stay there like that for a few more moments, simply relishing in the quiet. Saizo isn’t the most yielding person, but today he is especially pliant, only pulling back when you decide to. And when you finally part, your heart blooms at the satisfied expression on his face.

However, the calm doesn’t last, and it isn’t long before a mischievous smirk forms on his lips that the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

Feeling playful, he brings up your hand to his lips, and he has to stop himself from grinning when he sees you visibly hold in your breath. You’re so easy, so simple to please. It wouldn’t be hard to love you.

Without breaking eye contact, he flips it over and kisses the pulse point of your wrist slowly and tenderly. Blood rushes to your cheeks at the soft touch of his lips as it lingers and lingers, and when he finally draws himself back, you pull your hand out of his grip to cradle it as if it had been seared. And it might as well have been with how hot you’re feeling. Saizo laughs a little, really laughs. The sound settles into you, unlocking something deep within you, before you join him with a laugh of your own.

Eventually, the two of you fall into a companionable silence as you continue soaking in the sun-filled moment together. But this time, you’re sitting much closer with your head resting against his chest, and his uninjured arm circling around you. Though the wind has settled with cherry blossom petals rolling lightly across the ground, you both aren’t compelled to leave just yet, content with just quietly existing together.

“The weather isn’t bad today.” He ponders aloud, stretching back and relishing in how softly the morning light washes over him.

“I like it.” You say, tilting your head up to hold his gaze reverently. His heart throbs in his chest. You look at him the same way you do when he’s shrouded in darkness. “It’s warm.”

_It is._

And when the sun finally peeks over the castle wall with light breaking across the garden and onto the veranda, he closes his eyes. Pure, unbridled warmth surrounds him as the sun kisses him gently. He isn’t quite used to this, he’ll admit. But with you nestling into him further, he decides that he likes it.

Saizo wears the night like a second skin, though lately he thinks that sunlight isn’t half-bad on him either.

**Author's Note:**

> Just some random musings on the word たゆたう, which is its original title on Tumblr. It’s generally written like that, in kana alone, especially for the first meaning. I just really enjoy one way it can be phonetically written: 揺蕩う. The first kanji means to “swing;  shake;  sway;  tremble” etc. And the second kanji means to “melt;  be charmed;  captivated”. Correct me if I’m wrong, I’m still a learner.
> 
> I just think it’s a great word to describe one aspect of Saizo and MC’s relationship. Despite the rushed quality of his MS, I really do like their dynamic: it’s delicate. There’s this sense of fragility, and there’s this kind of hesitancy from both sides. They’re very careful around the other and I appreciate it.


End file.
